Another ball has dropped to welcome in the New Year. Another New Year’s Eve has come and gone without receiving that cliche NYE kiss. And for the first time, I’m actually completely okay with that.
2018 was another year that I passed alone, without a significant other. And for a while, I was angry. I saw all of my friends developing relationships, getting engaged; I saw them happy and in love, and I wondered why I wasn’t able to find that same relationship. I contemplated what was possibly wrong with me to be alone for yet another year.
Then, I attended Pulse’s Summer Revival Night at Minnehaha Falls. Pulse, a Christian non-profit organization that really encouraged me to grow my faith in Christ, was started by Nick Hall. Nick discussed all of my worries as if God had heard my anxieties and prayers and intentionally brought me to that event on that particular night to speak to me through Nick.
He said, “How you do expect to find happiness in somebody else if you cannot first find it in God?”
That was it all along. I wasn’t finding the perfect relationship because I hadn’t first developed the mindset that would allow me to sustain the relationship that I desired.
Instead of being angry with God not placing a man in my life, I replaced all of those angry calls with prayers for my future husband – I prayed for his soul and his happiness. I prayed that he strengthen his relationship in Christ before God leads him to me. I pray for my future husband’s safety. I pray for him to love our future children. I pray that he remains focused and steadfast in all of his duties, not compromising his convictions. I pray that he has a balanced life, that he resides in God during periods of stress. I pray that he prays and trusts in God to lead him to me, just as I have for him.
So it’s okay that I’m ringing in yet another New Year alone. I’m okay with the wait, knowing that God will place the man into my life exactly when He thinks I’m ready – when He knows my relationship with Him is strong enough to flourish.
Cover image courtesy of Zoe Ra on Unsplash